


You Should Tell Him

by secret_samadhi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x01, Coda, Declarations Of Love, Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 18:46:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8296238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secret_samadhi/pseuds/secret_samadhi
Summary: Deancas coda to 12x01





	

The Impala is tear-assing down Kansas 281, towards the bunker.  Mary is riding shotgun.  Cas is asleep in the back seat (somehow, even after learning that John and Mary have had sex back there.. And Dean, too…And Sam, too, uggh gross), charging up his mojo.  Dean’s eyes drift up to the rearview mirror to look at him.  His head is rested against the passenger side window, and his mouth is open.  He might start drooling, pretty soon, heh.  Drooling angel. **  
**

“You love him, don’t you,” Mary says from the shotgun seat.  

Dean’s eyes flick away from the rearview, too fast.  “Wha?  No, Cas ‘n me…”

“It’s OK if you do, “ Mary interrupts.  “You need as much love as you can get, in this hunter’s life.  If you’re going to live it.”

Dean keeps his eyes on the road, keeps his hands at 12 and 2, and doesn’t say anything for long enough that Mary thinks he just might never.  She begins to settle in to the silence.  

“He loves me,” Dean blurts out.  He knows it’s true, though he’s never said it out loud before.  “He… he rebelled against Heaven.  For me.  That’s why he needs to sleep.  He.  He didn’t used to.”  

Mary’s eyes are wide.  “He loves you.”  She nods to herself.  “That’s not an answer to my question, Dean.”  

He’s silent, again.

“You should tell him.  If you love him.  You should tell him.  I watched over you, for so many years, from Heaven, and that’s what I wished for, every day, every minute.  That I could tell you again.  That I loved you.  You should tell him.”

 _I could tell him_ , Dean thinks.  The Impala flies forward, on the highway.  

*****

They stop for gas a little after nine.  Cas is still asleep in the back seat, his mojo must be really drained out.  Dean watches him sleep while he fills up the tank. _You should tell him_ , he hears his mother say.  He’s known that, though it never had a voice before.  It’s not fair to Cas, to keep him around, to ask so much of him, without letting him know.  Dean understands that.  And he’s tried, before, he’s tried, but it’s always come out wrong.  “I need you,” or “You’re our brother, Cas.”  (Not even _my_ brother, _our_ brother.  Dean cringes.)

He goes in to the gas station to pay, and he buys a bottle of water and a bag of gummy bears for Cas.  Fuckin’ angel loves gummy bears, though he would never admit it.  They go missing, when Castiel is around.  

He knocks on the back passenger window, before he opens the door, to wake Castiel so he doesn’t fall out.  “Hey sunshine,” he says, and hands Castiel the bottle of water, and the gummy bears.  These he stashes in an inside pocket of his trench coat, without a word.  His hair is all messed up from laying against the door all afternoon and his eyes are squinty.  

“Dean,” he says, and his voice is rough from sleep.  

Dean decides.  He’s going to tell him.  This angel, who fell from grace for him, who is deadly with a blade and who won’t admit he loves gummy bears.  He has to tell him.  

“Come on, come for a walk with me.  You gotta stretch out, you’ve been squished back in there all day.”  

Castiel squints at him.  “I’m fine, Dean.”  

“I know, I know, I’m sure you are, but humor me, come on, I wanna get some fresh air.”  

Castiel squints again.  “You don’t like ‘fresh air’” (air quotes).  “You think it is for ‘hippies’ and ‘girls named Sam’”  

Dean sighs and rolls his eyes.  “Whatever, grouchy, I’m going for a walk; if you don’t come along you might find your gummy bears missing next time you wake up from a car nap.”  

That gets Castiel out of the car.  “Ok, Dean.”  

The gas station faces the highway on its front side, but as this is Kansas it is surrounded on all three other sides by corn fields.  Dean’s boots crunch on the gravel as he crosses the pavement towards the field in the back.  Castiel follows him, silently.  When the reach the corn, the rows are too narrow for them to walk side by side, so Dean enters first.   _Probably better this way_ , Dean thinks, _so I don’t have to look him in the eye_.

They walk for a few minutes.  The moon is out, and full, and it lights the cornfield in a pale glow.  Dean’s hands start to get clammy.   _This is ridiculous_ , he thinks, _You’re not a teenage girl.  You’re a warrior.  You faced Lucifer down, too many times to count_.  He pauses.  Castiel doesn’t run in to his back though, he is too attuned to Dean’s movements, he was paying too close attention to his stride through the dark.  

 _You should tell him_ , he hears Mary say.  And all of a sudden, he can.  He’s never been able to before, but now he can.  It’s easier now, somehow.  “Cas,” he tries.  His voice breaks.  He clears his throat.  “I love you.”  

It comes out stronger than he had expected.  More sure.  Not a whisper, his voice confident, and a little warm.  He closes his eyes.  

“I know.  I love you too.”

An ache he didn’t know he was carrying relieves itself from his chest.  He feels lighter.  All this time.  He knew.  He felt it too.  It was real.   _It was real_ , all this time.  He spins around, his feet sinking into the loamy soil.  Castiel is looking at him with those goddamn eyes, and they are wide and round.  He looks down, quickly.  He’s not ready for that, to look in to those eyes.  He takes Castiel’s hand into two of his own.  He’s not ready for more than that, yet.  Their skin is pale in the moonlight.  He strokes at Castiel’s palm with both of his thumbs.  Now that he’s said it, he wants to say it again.  “I love you, Cas.”  

“I know, Dean.  I love you too.”  It sounds exactly the same the second time Castiel says it as it did the first time.  Exactly the same.  Will it sound like that, every time he says it?   _Will it?_  Dean thinks.  

“Don’t leave me, again?”  

“Never.”  

Dean releases a deep breath.  He lets go of Castiel’s hand, reluctantly, and without looking up weaves back past him, back through the corn rows, back towards the Impala.  

_I told him.  He knew.  It was real.  It was always real._

Castiel follows him.


End file.
